So much throw up and poop.
1. The unlucky prostitute.
I work in a small, family-friendly sports bar. During one of my first-ever bartending shifts, I had to ask a man and his paid prostitute to leave the bar because she openly started giving him a handy and her breast popped out of her dress.
2. The used tampon disaster.
One time someone taped their used tampons to the bathroom stall. Yes, tampons. With an S. Plural.
3. The poo fight.
I was working in a nightclub one quiet evening when the sudden odor of poop started lurking around in the downstairs area next to the toilet and dance floor. One of the male managers went into the men’s bathroom and discovered poop all over the floor. We watched the security tapes to figure out how the poop got outside the bathroom. Turns out two guys had a poo fight and fished their freshly brewed turds out the bowl and proceeded to throw them at each other.
4. The urinal debacle.
One of the urinals in the bathroom was clogged, but men kept peeing in it anyway. There were not enough gloves in the world to disguise the warmness when I had to manually unclog it.
5. The running man.
One day, an older man came in and immediately ran to the bathroom, leaving a trail of brown behind him. Horrified, yet insure how to approach the situation, I carried on serving drinks to my other patrons. Next thing I see is the man with the “runs” sitting at the bar, waving me down to get him a drink. I took his order: a taco and a beer. While waiting for his food, a few comments were made about the odor exuding from this man. My thought was to let him eat and then rush him out, but as he ate, we noticed that he still had poop on his hands. The man ate his taco with shit-covered hands.
6. The vomit spectacular.
When I was 20 I got a gig at a downtown bar. I was out on a double shift for our town’s parade day, and I got thrown up on TWICE. I walked out of the bar, without a shirt, and never went back again.
7. The filthy patron.
A guy once told me he wanted to wrap my hair around his dick and masturbate into it. No thank you.
8. The frisky businessman.
I used to bartend at a strip club. There was a businessman who frequented — excellent tipper, always got champagne dances with one certain girl. When his wife would call, he’d run outside to answer. One day, he was sitting at a video poker machine and had a dancer on his lap. A random woman walked inside. The wife! She started screaming in Vietnamese and hitting him with her purse. She picked him up by the back of his shirt, threw him in the backseat of her Navigator, and took off. We never saw him again.
9. The drunk pervert.
I went out on the floor to clear a table, and a very drunk dude thought that grabbing my vagina would be an appropriate way to get my attention. It got him a punch in the nose from me and a ban from the security guard.
10. The old flasher.
A woman twice my age flashed me her breasts in the hopes of getting a free drink. She did not.
11. The cheeky pooper.
I drew the short straw at work and had to check the toilets at the end of the night. As I entered the bathroom a woman was leaving, and she gave me a cheeky smile. I went into the stall she had been using, and there was poop all over the floor and toilet.She even managed to get some on the wall! It was the worst night of my life. Sometimes I still get the smell 🙁
12. The pantsless pooper.
Someone shit their pants and left their boxers in the toilet. IN THE TOILET. Who does that?!
13. The slammed businessman.
I was bartending for bunch of older, wealthy men in suits. One of them kept asking for shots of our most expensive tequila ($26/shot). Well, he got SLAMMED and proceeded to vomit on the bar, mid-pickup line, and then tried to be sly and wipe it onto the floor, like I didn’t see it. I threw my bar rag to him and demanded he wipe it up. He tossed a $20 bill at me, called me a bitch, and stumbled out the door, only to be caught peeing on my car a few minutes later.
14. The old high school friend.
A kid I went to high school with came in with a few friends. I served him one beer, then noticed he was way too messed up and was on something else. I shut him off and made him leave. Ten minutes later one of the cooks told me that someone completely trashed the men’s room. The guy broke the porcelain part of the urinal and put shattered glass in all the toilets and smashed the stalls.
15. The unexpected urinal.
I had a guy piss on the front of my bar while I was serving the guy beside him. I had to watch from the perspective of a urinal. The worst.
16. The drunken bride.
I was bartending a wedding. A few hours after dinner, the bride sidles up to my bar (for the first time that night) and asks for a glass of red wine with a shot of Bacardi in it. Well, it was an open bar, and her dad was paying for everything, and it’s HERwedding, so I gave her the drink. I had no idea that she had been downing wine the whole night, so after that shot of rum she ran to the bathroom and proceeded to puke all over her dress. She had to wear a bridesmaid’s dress for the rest of the night.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
Spencer Althous BuzzFeed Staff