So let’s say you’ve been hanging out at your local watering hole more consistently and are now on a first name basis with your bartender. The best way to avoid falling into the “bartender friendzone” is to always strive to have a timely conversation that revolves around bar talk, which tends to be light and good-natured in spirit. Don’t tell your bartender about all your serious problems (they don’t pay us that much to care) and don’t ask us any personal questions (because we’ll probably just lie to you).
With that being said, you’re at a bar drinking, so there is no reason you should be engaged in small talk whatsoever. Small talk consists of the following: So do you like working here? Where are you from? How late do you guys stay open? Questions like these offer no value to a bartender and to be honest, are a bit selfish in the sense that you’re asking your bartender to reveal information to you while you offer nothing in return. You have to give value before you can get value. That’s why it’s best to keep the conversation easy going at first before getting into anything serious.
What exactly is easy going conversation you ask? Below are the appropriate and inappropriate bar topics you should stick to.
Appropriate Bar Topics:
- Current events
- Celebrity news
- Whatever’s trending on Twitter
- Viral videos
Inappropriate Bar Topics:
- Domestic Violence
If you use this as a general guideline of things to discuss in a bar, you definitely won’t seem like a fish out of water when you get into a one to one conversation with your bartender. When you start off with bar talk the point is to not come off as creepy more than anything else. As long as your bartender thinks you’re just a regular everyday guy or girl then your chances of taking them out on a date is still very much possible.
The one topic that I will say is generally off limits but is always up for play is sex.
The discussion of sex can be a hit or miss depending on what bar you are at and what the general mind frame of your bartender is. You wouldn’t want to compare favorite sex positions while you’re at TGI Fridays, but to the same token, whenever you add alcoholic beverages and adults in a small setting, the topic of sex is bound to come up. My advice when discussing sex with your bartender, is to talk in the realm of a friend’s relationship and never your own. It leaves you both open to giving your opinion on the matter without the possibility of either of you becoming uncomfortable.
The best way to get into any serious dialogue with a bartender is to allow them to bring up the topic. For example, only talk about past relationships if the bartender brings up their ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, and only talk about kinky sex acts if the bartender tells you they recently visited a sex store. Everything is fair play in terms of bar talk if a bartender is the one who brings up the issue. Another great pivot to having excellent bar talk is asking your bartender if they know any great bar games, or better yet, taking the initiative to teach your bartender a new bar game.
Bar games will literally make you the most attractive person there. Not only because they’re fun, simple, and everyone can participate, but also because they show how social you can be in a public setting. In the rare instance that a bartender gets cut early from their shift, you can use a bar game as a way to go on an impromptu date on that same night with said bartender. Quality bar talk keeps bartenders invested; make sure to always keep that in mind. So leave the small talk for your doctor’s waiting room.