19. Sarah from “Parenthood”

What to order: Guinness
How to make small talk: Talk about Broadway plays. Don’t talk about ex-husbands.

18. Georgie Santorelli from “The Sopranos”

What to order: Scotch
Small talk: It’s really best that you don’t talk to Georgie, especially if Tony’s around.

17. iZac from “Futurama”

What to order: The ol’ P&J (pennzoil and jagermeister)
Small talk: Cheap beer and roulette

15. Tara from “True Blood”

What to order: Beer. But maybe don’t bother her?
Small talk: Bring up how great Sookie is. Or how terrible she is (depending on the season).

14. Horace from “Family Guy”

What to order: Pawtucket Patriot
Small talk: Ask what it’s like to get shot.

13. Donna (Michael’s girlfriend) from “The Office”

What to order: Gin and tonic
Small talk: Ask her for fitness pointers. Don’t ask her about her husband.

12. Sweet Dee from “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”

What to order: Beer. And another beer.
Small talk: Ugh, the gang. What a bunch of boners.

11. Buddy Garrity from “Friday Night Lights”

What to order: Bud.
Small talk: Dillon FOOTBALL.
(Ed. note: from Season 5.)

10. Nick Miller from “New Girl”

What to order: A girlie drink
How to make small talk: Mention zombies. Or just say, “Ugh, why does everything suck?” (He’ll fill in the rest.)

9. Harry Snowden from “All in the Family”

What to order: Schlitz
Small talk: Small talk?

8. Quark from “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”

What to order: A Samarian sunset
Small talk: Mention how hot Cardassian women are.

7. Isaac Washington from “The Love Boat”

What to order: Something made in a blender and garnished with an umbrella
Small talk: Compliment his fantastic mustache.

6. Steve Brady from “Sex and the City”

What to order: Glass of red wine
Small talk: Basketball and dogs

5. Guinan from “Star Trek: Next Generation”

What to order: Aldebaran whiskey. Or prune juice, if you’re Klingon.
Small talk: Say that you too have an interest in fencing and bald men.

3. Woody from “Cheers”

What to order: Beer, in a mug
Small talk: Whatever you like

2. Moe from “The Simpsons”

What to order: Duff
Small talk: Ask about his time being one of the original Little Rascals, or his boxing career.

1. Al Swearengen from “Deadwood”

What to order: Whiskey
Small talk: Whiskey

Honorable Mention: Roger Sterling from “Mad Men”